Sleeping

While newborn babies often drift randomly in and out of sleep, sometimes spending long periods suspended between the two states, settled babies are much more definite about the difference between the two. Once asleep you can be fairly sure that they will not wake up again for a while; once awake you can be equally certain that they will not go to sleep again until they have been fed. At three or four weeks of age sleeping and feeding still go hand in hand. Left to follow their own inclinations babies wake up because they are hungry and go to sleep because they are full. Their waking time is therefore concentrated around feedings – the physical care given before them and the affectionate attention given after them.

Wakeful Periods

By around six weeks, the relationship between feeding and sleeping begins to slacken a little. The baby will still be inclined to go to sleep when he is fully fed, but he will not always sleep until he is ravenously hungry again. He may begin to wake up, sometimes, just because he has had enough sleep for the moment.

Most babies adopt one particular time of day for being wakeful. A common one is the second part of the afternoon. The baby sleeps after breakfast through most of the morning. He has his lunchtime feeding and sleeps again, but this time he does not sleep right through until hunger wakens him. He naps for a couple of hours and then wakes anyway. Many mothers encourage this pattern because it is a convenient time to pay social attention to the baby. He could have his daily drink of fruit juice when he wakes up, and then a stroller ride to the store or a period of free kicking on the floor with no diapers and plenty of your attention. An hour or two of this and the baby will be very ready for his bath and the next feeding. The physical exercise and the play will have tired him. He will probably sleep well until his late evening feeding.

Of course some babies adopt different and less convenient times of day for being awake. If your baby tends to nap for only an hour or so after breakfast and then stays awake all morning and sleeps all afternoon you can probably alter the pattern by juggling the feeding times. An extra “snack” feeding when he wakes in the middle of the morning may well put him back to sleep again. If you then let him sleep on until a later lunch, he will, over a few days, shift toward being awake in the afternoon.

By the time the baby reaches three to four months he is likely to have two or even three wakeful periods in the day. As before, a good feeding makes him inclined to sleep. But as he gets older his naps get progressively shorter.

Sleeping Difficulties

In this age-group any difficulties are yours, not the baby’s. He will sleep as much as he needs to sleep; he is still not capable of keeping himself awake and he is no more capable than you are of waking himself up on purpose. You need never add worry about whether he can be getting enough sleep to worry about the fact that you certainly are not!

Nighttime Sleep

If your baby does not sleep soundly for reasonable periods at night, he may not yet have made a complete difference between night behavior and day behavior and you may need to help him become a diurnal creature.

Check for sources of outside disturbance too. If he still shares your bedroom, your own sounds and movements may be stimulating him to full wakefulness whenever his sleep lightens. And frequent peeps into the crib may be making matters worse. Energetic kicking which dislodges wrappings and covers may mean that he gets cold and uncomfortable. A baby bag, shaped like a dressing gown with the bottom closed, will help him to feel both safe and warm. If you start using one now, you may save yourself serious problems later on when he gets to the climbing out of bed stage.

A lot of evening wakefulness can be the result of “colic” which has got him accustomed to spending those particular hours awake. If he did have “colic” but it is now over, get him up when he wakes, give him a good cuddle and then put him down again. With no discomfort to keep him awake he will soon drop off. If the evening fretting has nothing to do with “colic” and the baby is fully breastfed, check that your milk supply is adequate for his early supper time feeding. He might just need a snack.

Remember that as he gets older your baby need to spend more and more time awake. If he sleeps practically all day, he is bound to choose the evening or night for wakefulness. You may need to adjust the pattern of his day.

Waking at an ungodly hour of the morning usually simply means that the baby has had enough sleep, even if you haven’t. While he still has five feedings per day his early morning feeding will probably buy you another couple of hours’ peace. Once it is clear that he only needs four feedings per day you will have to choose between peaceful baby-free evenings or a later start to your morning. You will not be able to have both.

Daytime Sleep

In the very early weeks you may well find it almost impossible to relax or get on with anything other than baby care while your baby is awake. Only when he goes to sleep can the rest of life start up again. If he does not go to sleep, or if he keeps waking up, you will probably feel that you have accomplished nothing all day. This kind of feeling is very natural while you are coping with a new and unsettled baby but it is important to get yourself over it as quickly as you can. It is only for a very few weeks that being asleep remains the baby’s usual state, with being awake as the exception. He is a human being and very soon being awake will be his usual daytime state with sleep – in the form of separate naps – the exception. You have to teach yourself to accept and enjoy the baby as a wakeful member of the family. Once you can get over the phase of saving everything you need to do until he is next asleep, you will find that there are many ways of doing almost everything you have to do while keeping him pleasant company. Once you have accepted that he is a person, to whom you can chat while peeling potatoes, baby care and at least the domestic aspects of your life will join up. You will find that you have learned to do two (or three or four) things at once while enjoying all of them.

Thinking Ahead About Going to Sleep

While your baby’s eating and sleeping are still nterconnected you will probably find that