Newborns Behavior

Some babies are much more difficult to look after happily than others. You cannot choose your baby's temperament any more than you could have chosen his or her sex. You may have the "kind" of baby you find easy to understand, sympathize with and handle, or a "kind" of baby who needs handling that does not come at all naturally to you.

All healthy newborn babies have many characteristics and behaviors in common. But each one of them is also a unique individual who has already had a unique set of experiences in the womb, during birth and immediately after it. All these things play a part in how the new baby settles in to life; how he reacts to you and to the world. You also are unique individuals with years of complex experiences behind you. All this will play a part in what you expect your baby to be like, in how you react to him.

If your expectations match the reality of your baby and the ways of handling that come "naturally" to you happen to suit that baby, the interaction between you will be comparatively smooth and easy from the beginning. But if these things do not match, you and the baby will have to do much more adjusting to each other. Suppose, for example, that this is your second baby and that your first was a child who was basically calm and placid and thrived on lots of stimulation and rough and tumble play. You will probably start off by handling the new baby as you handled the first; if his reactions are similar all will be well. But if he happens to be a particularly sensitive and jumpy baby, who is terrified by anything fiercer than a gentle cuddle, your interaction will not be easy at all. Both of you will have to learn. His behavior will affect your handling, teaching you to be more gentle; your handling will affect his behavior, teaching him to be more relaxed. 

At this very early age you have to try to combine handling your baby in ways which suit him now, allowing for the fact that some of his most extreme behaviors may be reactions to pre-natal and birth experiences and may therefore change radically when he has settled down. You have to accept him for what he is today but leave it open to him to be something quite different next month or next year. A mother whose natural behavior is outgoing and energetic but whose baby is jumpy may make tremendous efforts to adjust her handling to suit her son. Having done so, she may get so used to thinking of the baby as "nervy" or "highly strung" that she goes on treating him extra carefully long after the baby has grown out of his newborn jumpiness and become ready for more robust handling. If the mother's mind is closed to the possibility of her baby changing, she may quite forget to offer him noisy toys and rough and tumble play at six months and she may try too hard to protect him from bumps and falls when he learns to walk at around a year. The little boy may have to fight for his independence during the toddler stage.

So whatever your baby is like now, handle him in the ways which seem to keep him happy and calm. But while you react sensitively to his present needs, try not to let labels stick. You will affect him and he will affect you; what kind of person will eventually come out of the interaction between you, nobody can know. That is part of the excitement of rearing a new human being.

Uncuddly Babies

Whatever their other characteristics, most small babies revel in warm, close physical contact with adults. When a "cuddly" baby is feeling miserable, jumpy or extra-wakeful, you will often find the answer in holding and hugging, stroking and singing or jiggling and dancing. And when you cannot do any of those things you may be able to give him a similar safe security by wrapping him up or carrying him in a sling.

Typical behavior:

Uncuddly babies seem to reject, even to resent, the physical constriction of enfolding arms or blankets. They do not want to drop their heavy heads confidingly on to adult shoulders or to tuck their feet snugly into adult curves. Far from relaxing them, restriction makes them furious.

Living with it:

Uncuddly babies usually revel in a different kind of contact. They are physically active (and often rather confident) babies who are quick to enjoy free kicking and other physical adventures. In the meantime they prefer eye contact to cuddling contact. If your baby hurts your feelings by trying to escape your holding arms, try putting him on a bed or rug and sitting over him so that he can study your face. He wants to look at you and he may start smiling and "talking" to you rather early. If you long to stroke the creases in his pudgy wrists and kiss the dimples in the small of his back, do it while he is in his infant seat or on his changing mat. He will not only accept your sensual pleasure in him, he will also be delighted if you will play with his fingers, bicycle his legs and blow raspberries against his tummy.

"Cuddly" babies need eye and voice as well as body contact. "Uncuddly" babies need holding as well as looking and listening. Over a few months your baby will come to enjoy every kind of contact you offer him. But in these very first weeks, recognizing his bias toward one or the other may ease your life - and his.

Miserable Babies

Just as there are adults who always look on the black side of everything, so there are babies who are inclined to the miseries. Babies who are miserable usually take a long time to settle happily into patterns of being soundly and comfortably asleep, awake and ravenous, full, awake and happy and then asleep again. They behave as if little bits of all those states stayed jumbled up together, keeping their behavior unpredictable and preventing them from settling down to enjoy life.

Typical behavior:

The baby is tired and fretful but he cannot relax enough to go to sleep. He whimpers and dozes his way through the afternoon and then he is irritably hungry but not joyful about sucking. He is probably slow and difficult to feed. When the feeding is over he is awake but not very sociable. He soon gets tired of being held; does not seem to take much notice of being talked to but is not pleased to be returned to his crib. He probably wakes often in the night.

A baby like this may gain weight more slowly than most and be slow to start smiling or playing with his hands. Often he even looks unhappy. He is the opposite of all those smiling babies in the babyfood advertisements.

Living with it:

A baby you cannot make happy is very depressing. Like the baby who cries without apparent reason, he will tend to make you feel inadequate as a parent. If his miseries go on for very long, you will probably feel put-upon too. You will be lavishing love and care on a baby who seems to give nothing in return. While these feelings about a miserable baby are very natural, it is important to try to keep them at bay. Don't let yourself feel that his unhappiness is a criticism of you. It is life outside the womb that your baby does not like very much, not you. You must stay on his side or you will not be able to offer the warm, gentle, patient attention which will, eventually, help him to feel happier. Work to get him look at you, listen to you, smile at you. If you can only get him to the stage where he responds, the worst of his miseries will be over.

As well as loving the baby whether you get any response or not, try all the suggestions for crying babies and check especially that you are trying the following:

Keep the baby indoors in a very warm room,

but not overheated by too many clothes. See if that makes him more relaxed. If it does, you could keep him in for a month - he can get plenty of fresh air with a window opened at the top.

See that the baby gets plenty of milk,

as much as he will willingly take whenever he seems to want it.

See if the baby sleeps more easily when carefully wrapped.

There is no harm in wrapping him for every sleep-time until he starts to kick the wrappings off. 

See if the baby is happier with a great deal of contact comfort.

If he likes being carried around, use a sling so that you can carry him on your back most of the time he is awake for a few weeks.

Don't introduce new aspects of life 

until he seems much happier with what he is already experiencing. Don't, for example, try a new baby hammock or a first car ride or even a first drink of fruit juice until he has stopped being so miserable.  

Jumpy Babies

All newborns are startled by loud noises, turn away from bright lights and throw up their arms and cry if they feel they are going to be dropped. Jumpy babies take this kind of behavior to extremes. They may startle and cry, tremble and pale at quite low grade stimuli. They seem to be frightened of almost everything, and perhaps they are. Perhaps it is life outside the safe, warm, dark haven of the womb which frightens them. 

Typical behavior:

The baby overreacts to every kind of stimulation, whether it comes from inside him or from outside. Hunger takes him rapidly into a frenzy of desperate crying. His own jerks and twitches stop him relaxing into sleep. Picking him up makes him tense; putting him down makes him jump. Any change in his surroundings, however slight it may be, alerts and may alarm him. With this kind of baby even a telephone ringing in the next room may be enough to make him jump. 

Living with it:

The baby is not going to learn not to be frightened by being frightened. His nervous system is not going to become better able to accept minor shocks by being shocked. He is going to become calmer only by a combination of maturing and gentle handling that lets him find less and less in daily life to upset him.

Caring for a jumpy baby can be a real challenge. If you see it as such, it can even be enjoyable. You set yourself to get through each day, or each bit of a day, without ever doing anything or letting anything happen which startles the baby or makes him cry. Your aim is to keep the stimulation which the baby receives below his tolerance level while he matures enough to be able to accept more stimulation happily.

Never hurry when you are handling the baby.

When you pick him up, for example, he needs due warning so that his muscles can adjust to the change of position. When you carry him he needs you to move slowly and smoothly, supporting his head so that it does not wobble and never letting him feel insecurely held.

Keep handling to a minimum.

For example, a jumpy baby will certainly hate being bathed and should be simply "topped and tailed" until he is calmer. He will probably hate bumpy stroller rides and wide open spaces, too. Let him move only from crib or stroller to lap and back again for a few weeks.  

Cut down on physical stimulation by careful wrapping.

Changes of position and being moved from one place to another will be far less worrying for him if he is properly wrapped up. The wrappings will provide a protective cocoon between him and the outside world. 

Make sure that everyone who handles the baby is quiet and gentle.

You want him to discover that the world and the people in it are safe. A jolly uncle with good intentions and a loud laugh can frighten a jumpy baby in a way that makes him want to retreat even more from his new world. Protect him; he has plenty of time for learning to make social contacts. 

Sleepy Babies

Babies who seem to have an almost unlimited capacity for sleep probably feel just as unready for life outside the womb as do miserable or jumpy babies. But they react to it quite differently: instead of protesting or recoiling they avoid life by staying asleep.  

Typical behavior:

The baby is "no trouble." He makes almost no demands and probably has to be woken up for most of his feedings. It is often difficult to persuade him to stay awake for long enough to suck very much at a time and once he has sucked himself back to sleep he may be unwakeable. He does not seem to care very much about his surroundings or routines. He seldom cries for long but he seldom seems particularly happy either. He is playing a sleepy, neutral game.

Living with it:

Although the baby's lack of responsiveness may disappoint you, this is a comparatively easy "type" of baby to cope with. While he is so sleepy, you can be regaining your strength and collecting your wits in readiness for the active motherhood which will come when the baby matures a little. 

Make sure that the baby wakes up enough to eat.

Occasionally an exceptionally sleepy baby who is being fed on demand fails to gain as much weight as he should because he does not demand as much food as his body needs. If you have to wake him for feedings, then of course there is no harm in waking him to suit your convenience, but make sure that you do so at least every four hours. Add in a couple of extra feedings if his sleepiness means that he only sucks for five minutes at a time. 

The baby may be perfectly willing to sleep through a 12-hour night from the beginning. Don't let him. That is too many hours without water, quite apart from the food itself. Wake him at your bedtime and first thing in the morning and bless the fact that he probably will not wake you in the small hours!

Don't take the baby's sleepy isolation for granted. 

In other words, don't let his willingness to be shut away in his crib for hours lead you to expect him to behave like that. Give him lots of opportunities for sociable cuddles and talk. Try to get him interested in looking at things and being talked to. If he is fast asleep on your lap after two minutes, it is fair enough to put him back to bed, but try again to play with him at the next feeding. You want him to realize, gradually, that being awake is fun. 

Wakeful Babies

Babies vary in the amount of sleep they need, right from the beginning of their lives. Most babies will sleep for something like 16 hours in the 24 to start with. Very sleepy ones may sleep for 22 hours in every 24. A really wakeful baby may never sleep for more than 12 hours and may seldom do that sleeping in stretches of more than two hours at a time. 

Typical behavior:

The baby is not especially miserable or especially jumpy. Ther is nothing "keeping him awake," he just does not sleep for the number of hours we expect of very small babies. He will have a feeding and drop off to sleep immediately. But an hour or two later he is awake again, not because he is ready for more food but just because he has stopped being asleep. Because he spends so much time awake he will probably show more interest in the things around him at an earlier age than most babies. His development in every area may be rapid because he is spending so much more time looking, listening and learning.  

Living with it:

This is not the kind of baby you can care for in short concentrated bursts of time and then ignore in between. He makes himself felt almost all day and often for a good deal of the night, too. How you react to him will probably depend at least partly on how much else you have to do. A jealous older child, for example, will suffer much more from a very wakeful baby than from one who naps in a corner for much of the toddler's day. The main trouble with a wakeful baby is that he is spending a lot of hours awake at an age when it is difficult to find entertainment for him. He cannot handle toys yet; he is not ready for physical play or even for being propped up. Start by reminding yourself that he would sleep if he needed to; try to accept his wakefulness, and don't feel that he "ought" to be asleep. If you try to make him behave as other babies do, you will waste a lot of time tucking him away for naps he does not want, and you will make him miserable too because he will be bored and lonely. 

Find different ways of keeping the baby company.

Perhaps his stroller could come into the kitchen? If so, you can park it close beside you and get into the habit of stopping for quick chats as you move around. If he has a bassinet that lifts off its stand, he could lie in that beside you while you are reading or watching television.  

Find easy ways of carrying your baby.

Although you obviously cannot carry him around all the time, being carried is perfect entertainment for a wakeful newborn. A sling inside the house might let you do simple housework with the baby on your back. A canvas carrier will let you take him around the stores and other interesting places instead of leaving him, bored, in his stroller. (Don't use a crib-sheet sling outdoors with a new baby; it will not be warm enough for him.) 

Arrange different places where the baby can lie on floor.

A spare carriage mattress or changing mat to carry from room to room is useful. He will get less bored if he has lots of changes of scene.

Give the baby interesting things to look at.

This will help him entertain himself. Hang things from the stroller hood or above the crib, and change them often so that he always has something new to look at. Make or buy a mobile or two, so that he can watch something that moves.

Be prepared to treat your baby like a somewhat older one.

He will be packing a lot of learning into all those hours awake, so you need to keep an eye on his development and be sure that you offer new kinds of entertainment as soon as he shows that he is ready for them.